Light is Drunk
by Kyoha Yagami
Summary: Light goes to a resturant for his eighteenth birthday and he somehow consumes more beer shots than anyone should have. Mayhem ensues. Rated T just to be safe. Oneshot.


Author's Note: Don't ask. Also, I'm not sure what the legal drinking age is in Japan, so let's just say it's 18.

Disclaimer: If I owned Death Note, L wouldn't die.

It was a sunny Saturday afternoon in the home of the Yagami family. This special day brought Light's adulthoodness, and Light's first, er, alcoholic drink. Ah, it'd be easier to just tell you the whole story.

"Happy birthday, Liiight!" sang Sayu, Light's younger sister. "It's your 18th birthday! Wake up! Come on! Mom made a huge breakfast for you!" Sayu pushed her older brother, but he didn't move. Sayu stood there with her arms crossed, thinking of a way to move her lazy sibling's ass out of bed. 'Aha! That would be a great way to wake him up!' Sayu finally figured out a great idea and she stripped off Light's covers. He was wearing just boxers. Sayu sighed.

'Okay, Sayu. Your strongest and best! Just like those people on TV!' she thought. Sayu inhaled and punched Light in the chest 19 times, once more for good luck. Light woke up at the 14th hit and yelled in pain.

"Happy birthday!" Sayu smiled innocently. Light groaned. "All your friends are taking you out! I'm coming too!" Sayu cheered.

'...I hate birthdays...' Light grumbled. Sayu held out a light blue papered box with a shiny red ribbon tied at the top. "Here's a present! Open it!" Sayu hopped in place from excitement. Light groaned as he unwrapped the gift. He noticed a thin card. He picked it up and read the fine print.

"Good for three free beers with purchase of one at Sushi Ai." He read aloud.

"See, don't you love it! I figured that since you're 18 today, you're allowed to drink, right? You've always had a good alcohol resistance when you drank sake at those parties, right?" Sayu clapped, grinning.

'...If she wasn't my sister then I'd punch her...' Light thought to himself, 'And she'll be there so she'll make sure I use this card.'

-x-

Later at Sushi Ai, Sayu, Yamamato, Light and Shinji sat in a big booth.

"Wow! These cushions are so fluffy!" Sayu bounced on her seat. "This is going to be fuuuuun!" Shinji and Yamamato laughed.

"Okay! Let's order, shall we?" Yamamato gestured to the menus. After a quick analyze of the menu, Sayu decided to get beef ramen. When the waitress came, she asked them what they wanted.

"One beef ramen, two california rolls, tuna and salmon sashimi, one chicken teriyaki." Light ordered.

While they waited for their food, sipping their miso soup and picking at their rice, they chatted about Kira, Light's new girlfriend Misa, Yamamato wanting to be on the police force and Yaki's new haircut.

"Here's your food!" Their waitress popped out of nowhere and placed the dishes in front of the person who ordered it.

"Itadakimasu!" Sayu squealed, snapping the wooden chopsticks apart. She twirled the utensils around a couple of noodles and slurped it into her mouth.

"It's so good!" She smiled, and took a bite out of the beef brisket. Yamamato and Shinji took their chopsticks and ate their sushi. Light, however, didn't touch his food. Thoughts shoved around rapidly in his head.

'Damn, I've never had a good tolerance for alcohol. The wine that Sayu saw me drink; that was dark red berry punch! Who knows how she thought I got a styrofoam cup full of wine.'

"Time for the birthday boy to use my birthday present!" Sayu chirped. Light sighed, and dug around in his wallet. He gave the waitress the card and the beer price. She said, "Right away, sir!" and ran away. She soon came back with a tray full of beer bottles.

"Drink it, Light!" Sayu yelled. Light breathed, and then took the shot glass in front of him and swallowed the alcohol in one gulp. Sayu reached over and poured another glass. He drank it again. Again, again, again and again this pattern happened. An hour later, Light was, well, drunk. His hair all messed up and his breath burning Sayu's eyes, he kept yapping on and on about... Well, nobody really knows what he was talking about.

"...Kira...-hiccup- KIRA GRAGHSADHE...-hiccup- KIRA TOUCHED MEH! -hiccup-" Sayu leaned over to her brother with a worried expression on her face. "Are you okay-"

"MASTURBATION!" Light roared, forcing Sayu away with his breath. His friends looked at each other, sharing the same expression. Amusement.

"IIIIIIIICEEEE CREEEEEAAAM..." he growled, banging the table with his fist. "ICE CREAM ALL OVER KIRA'S DRANKSITNG!" This scared Sayu. But then again, I would be scared too.

"LITE BRITE, MAKING THIIINGS WITH LIIIIIIIIIIIIIITE..." Light sang, inching closer to his scared and scarred for life sister.

"HEY, BABY, WANNA COME WITH LITE BRITE AND HAVE A GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD TIME?" Sayu screamed and ran into the waitress, who spilled a cup of beer on the table. Light lapped it up like a dog.

"AAAAAWW, YAMITITO, SHE DOESN'T LIIIIIIIIIIIIIKE MEEEEEEE..." Light obviously did not have a good tolerance for alcohol. Especially beer.

"HEY, SHOJI... HOW MANY LIGHTS DOES IT TAKE TO CHANGE A LIGHTBULB?" he asked the waitress. "HAHAHA... YOU'RE STOOPID... YOU DON'T KNOW... LIGHT'S SO SMART AND BRIGHT THAT HE DOESN'T NEEEEEED A LIGHTBULB!"

"KIRA MASTURBATES MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... ME MASTURBATES KIRAAAAAAAAA..." Light yelled at the top of his lungs.

"...I think we should take him home now..." Sayu muttered.

"**NO! **IT'S **MY **BIRTHDAY AND **I **WANNA HAVE **FUN! **F IS FOR FRIENDZ WHO DO STUFFZ TOGETHERZ... U IS FOR YOUZ AND MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE... N IS FOR ANYWHEREZ AND ANYTIMEZ AT ALLZ DOWN HEREZ IN THE DEEP BLUE SEAZ..." Light pounded the table to the beat of the 'song'.

Sayu flipped open her cell phone. "Dad? Light's drunk. Could you pick us up at Sushi Ai? ... Thanks." She closed it and put it away.

-x-

"C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G SONG! C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E S-O-N-G SONG! IF YOU DON'T THINK THAT YOU CAN SING IT FASTER THEN YOU'RE WRONG... BUT IT'LL HELP IF... YOU JUST SING ALOOOOOOOOOOOOONG... C'MON DAD! LET'S SING! C-A-M-" Light boomed while being led to the car by Soichiro.

"That stuff wasn't wine?" Soichiro asked Sayu.

"Apparently it was punch." Sayu answered.

-x-

The next morning, Light had the worst hangover in history. He still didn't know how he got it. He just drank one shot, right? Right?!

"Actually, you drank, let's see, there was those two, then you drank fifteen, then you drank twelve more, then you lapped up one that spilt on the table, so about thirty." Sayu said from his doorway. Light rubbed his head. Sayu shut the door.

"...My ego has deflated by seventy nine percent..."


End file.
